August 2002 And Everything After

14 June 2007.

I am on call today. It's my last call as a medical officer, since I started in August 2002. For many nights in the last 5 years I have had to spend nights alone in the hospital (mostly awake), walked along empty deserted corridors and entered spooky elevators in ungodly hours of the day, had uninspiring (to put it kindly) on-call meals provided by the kitchen, dragged myself out of bed to attend to patients who had a knack of "collapsing" the moment you fell asleep, and braved temperatures of Artic proportion in the very, very cold emergency unit in Sarawak General Hospital.

It's a lonely business, what we do. When the world is sleeping, you are up, thrust into a position to make life and death decisions. There have been s****y calls, when bad outcomes transpire despite all that you do; there have also been rewarding moments, when your action makes a difference (with a little divine intervention).

I shall miss escorting patients in the short journey from casualty to CCU most, where I would surmount all my strength and push open the CCU doors to allow the trolley through - a moment time and time again I would liken to Aragon pushing open the door in Edoras in his return from near-death (Return Of The King). A little fantasy-diversion wouldn't hurt!

And my on-call attire...my trusty black top from Isetan I had worn on most of my calls, is starting to fray. Even the backpack I carry to store my personal effects has a small tear near the strap. It's time they retired, having served me well over the years.

Strange, somehow I don't feel like I'm moving forward to a better phase. Now s**t begins!